


An Advertisement for Store Bought Cakes

by sashawiremarryme



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Juno Steel Fluff Week 2018, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-04 17:21:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15151985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sashawiremarryme/pseuds/sashawiremarryme
Summary: Rita's had a bad few days, so Peter and Juno decide to cheer her up by baking her a cake.





	An Advertisement for Store Bought Cakes

“Juno, where do you keep the vanilla essence?” Peter Nureyev called out across the kitchen. He looked over the recipe again, “Also, do we have cocoa powder?”

Juno looked up from the oven, trying to remember how to turn it on. “Both in top left cupboard,” he pushed a few more buttons, “what am I setting this to?”

“160,” he replied while rifling through Juno’s cupboard, “found it!”

“Nureyev, the oven isn’t working!” Juno walked away from it and threw his arms up in defeat. 

Peter looked at it. “Have you tried turning it on, detective?” He asked, failing to hide his amusement. He turned it on and set it to the right temperature. “What would you do with me?”

“I dunno, probably buy a cake instead.” Juno shrugged before turning his back to Peter and re-reading the recipe. He didn’t want to see the smirk he knew would be on his face.

“Juno, the women’s saved your life more times than you can count and you would get her a store bought cake!” He feigned horror at Juno’s indifference.

“Okay, first off, I’m not getting Rita a store bought cake so stop acting scandalised. Secondly, she’s also endangered my life more times than I can count so I wouldn’t feel bad about it if I did buy her a cake instead of making one.” He paused, perplexed for a moment. “Thirdly, I want to change my answer to the previous question. If you weren’t here I wouldn’t be getting her a cake at all, I would be telling her to get back to work!” He turned back to face Peter. “Also, the recipe says we have to melt the butter.” Juno gestured to the butter he had already measured that was sitting near Peter’s hand.

“How can you be so cruel? The woman’s in distress, Juno! Where is your heart?” Nureyev mocked him as he melted the butter.

“She’s been crying for three days straight because her 48th favourite stream was cancelled.” He said, coldly. “If anyone’s been in distress, it’s me: because I’ve had to listen to it—for three days straight.”

“I’m impressed she’s managed to hold herself together so well.” Peter ignored Juno’s comment. “What am doing with this?”

“Dump it in the bowl and mix it with everything else. Wait, don’t mix the egg in yet.” Peter followed his instructions. “Why do you care so much about Rita anyway?” Juno walked over there to mix in the egg when Peter was done. “You met her once, for about two minutes.” 

“Like I said,” Peter replied as he watched Juno work, “she’s saved your life a considerable number of times. Helping bake a cake for her seems the least I can do.” Juno finished mixing and poured the mixture into the cake pan and placed it in the oven. “Also I may have recruited her services once or twice and I want to keep her happy.”

“You can’t drag my secretary into your criminal activity!” Juno shouted.

“Your secretary is an adult who can make her own decision regarding her participation in criminal activity. Anyway, she’s helped you break into buildings before, I don’t see why this is any different.”

“It’s different because I’m not you.” 

“That hardly seems fair. For all you know I was breaking into the children’s ward of the hospital to deliver them gifts as a surprise.” He grinned, showing off his teeth.

“Were you?” Juno crossed his arms and tilted his head in disbelief.

“Well, no, I was breaking into a retired politician’s personal safe and…” he trailed off as Juno glared at him, “but that’s not the point.” 

“How did you even arrange that? Didn’t she recognise you?”

“I didn’t meet with her in person. You do know that there are ways to communicate with people that don’t involve revealing your identity, don’t you?”

“Whatever,” he yawned, “we are definitely going to talk about this later but right now I need a nap before Rita gets here.” He collapsed on the couch, exhausted from dealing with Rita for the past few days. He felt the couch shift as Peter sat down on it as well. A few moments after that, he drifted off to sleep.

Juno woke up to the smell of burning. “Nureyev, what’s that? Nureyev?” He jolted Peter awake. “Did you fall asleep? I thought you were watching the cake!” He scrambled over to the oven, nearly tripping over the piles of paper he always seemed to have scattered all over the floor. He pulled the remains of their creation out of the oven and set it on the counter. “We don’t have time to bake another cake,” he checked the clock, “she was meant to be here twenty minutes ago, meaning she’s going to arrive any second now.”

“Maybe we could cover it in icing and hope she doesn’t try to eat it until she gets home.” Peter offered. 

The pair jumped as a loud knock was heard at the door.

“MISTA STEEL!” Juno winced at the volume of Rita’s voice, “I’M HERE, YOU CAN LET ME IN NOW!!”

“I’m guessing you’re going to disappear.” Juno looked at Peter.

“No, I think I want to see how this resolves itself.” He leaned back on Juno’s couch. “I think there’s someone at the door.” He smiled as Rita’s banging continued.

“Hey Rita,” Juno opened the door and she pushed her way into his apartment.

“I don’t see why I had to come all the way out here just to pick up a case file, maybe if you just learned to use a computer like a normal per—” She stopped when she saw Peter. Her eyes flicked between him and Juno several times. 

“Hello ‘Agent Glass’, it’s nice seeing you.” She winked. Peter’s eyes widened when she mentioned his former alias, and then again when she winked. Juno wondered if he should have told him that Rita had realised he wasn’t a secret agent. Then he remembered that Peter had gotten Rita to help him break into someone’s safe and decided that he deserved it. Particularly since his current facial expression was was one of the most ridiculous things Juno had ever seen.

“So, where is this case file?” She stared at his floor in frustration. “You’re not expecting me to dig through this mess to find it are you? If you do, I swear I am filing a complaint with HR, Mista Steel.”

“Well,” Peter started, “we did bake you a cake bu—”

“WHERE?!” Rita scanned the room and saw the cake sitting on the counter. She raced over to it.

“But unfortunately it didn’t quite survive Juno’s lack of attention.”

“My lack of attention? How is this my fault?” But Rita wasn’t listening, she had already grabbed a knife and cut a slice. She shoved most of the slice into her mouth at once.

“Yu wa sa?” Rita tried to speak with her mouth full.

“No Rita, we don’t want any.” Peter smiled and locked eyes with Juno. The two of them stayed like that, staring lovingly at each other, both of them pretending not to see Rita spit out the charred remains of their foray into baking when she thought they weren’t looking.

**Author's Note:**

> I looked up a cake recipe for this. I now know how to bake a cake. I don't know what to do with this information.  
> Also, the Juniverse uses the metric system. I don't care, you can't stop me.


End file.
